how-to – Test – Indivisible Portola Valley

How to Have Constructive Conversations

We must be willing to ‘talk about it’

Everyone in our democracy must be able to speak their minds about public issues. Speaking up needs to be safe, responsible, respectful and free. This includes airing differences, supplying facts, and explaining opinions and options.

Even in conversations with people with whom we seem to agree, it’s important to air differences. This can be challenging, yet it’s worth it because we can learn from each other.

Conversations with others who have very different perspectives, or whose views seem to be underinformed or based on inaccurate information, or different values, can be much harder.

Basic Guidelines:

Be curious and listen to understand.
Show respect and suspend judgment.
Note any common ground as well as any differences.
Be authentic and welcome that from others.
Be purposeful and to the point.
Own and guide the conversation.

How can we effectively navigate these varied circumstances? Here are five suggestions:

It’s good to have a goal. You might want to learn about others’ perspectives and how they came to them. You might want to express your own views and be taken seriously. It’s best to be civil and constructive. If there’s a downward spiral, it’s OK to take a time out.
Establish a personal connection. Tell stories from your life and ask about theirs; look for common themes. Ask, “I wonder…?” or “I’m curious about…” Note opportunities to bond and connect over shared experiences and interests. You also show respect when you ask: “What am I missing on this topic? How can I learn something more about this?”
When something you disagree about comes up, you might ask: How did you develop that viewpoint? What is your source of information? What experiences shape your opinion? Focus on personal stories and look for areas you have in common. You might discuss values (e.g., caring, fairness, freedom, equality before the law, honesty). Or you might explore overlaps in specific situations. In what circumstances might one value take precedence? Why? We have a lot to learn from each other.
Another approach is to get down to brass tacks and ask about democracy. Taking a suggestion from the book, How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide, by Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay, you might pose a simple poll to them: on a scale of 1 to 10, with one being “I have no concerns about American democracy at all” and 10 being “American democracy is at the most serious risk in its history,” what number would you choose? Why? What might cause you to change your mind? There could be genuine curiosity about their explanations without having to agree with their viewpoints.
Find ways to work together on a project of mutual interest. Schools? Performing Arts? Open Space? Fire Safety? This can demonstrate that democracy (e.g., disagreeing respectfully, setting rules and establishing fair processes, listening actively, etc.) can help produce wiser, fairer, more lasting, and more efficient outcomes.

Don’t Coerce. Listen First!

Beyond Conflict Institute reports “people perceive that the other side disagrees with them far more than is actually the case.”

So let’s find the courage to

GET CURIOUS!
ASK QUESTIONS!
LISTEN TO LEARN!
LOOK FOR COMMON GROUND!
We can always agree to disagree.
If things get heated, take a break!

Check out these articles for more:

Are we really as divided as we think? How dark forces are attempting to alienate us from our neighbours, The Toronto Star, April 25, 2023, by Frank Giustra

Yes, It’s Possible to (Gracefully) Talk Politics at Work, Harvard Business Review, October 30, 2020, by Raina Brands

Keeping It Civil: How To Talk Politics Without Letting Things Turn Ugly, NPR, April 12, 2019, by Caroline Kelly

HOPE

Harnessing Our Power to End (HOPE) Political Violence

Recommended by Bob B.

Here is the link to a 2024 data-driven guide for communities across the United States on how to organize to counter political violence and intimidation. Minneapolis has been using these techniques among others that were developed in 2020 in response to George Floyd’s murder to show how to build a “mutual aid culture” of caring and courage. There are lots of practical suggestions with context that Indivisible chapters and others can use.

ABOUT THIS GUIDE

Harnessing Our Power to End (HOPE) Political Violence is a guide for communities across the United States to organize to counter political violence.

It’s for people who recognize the dire stakes that political violence creates, and who want to work together nonviolently to protect our communities and uphold democracy.

The vast majority of people in the US – in cities and small towns, across party lines, and from all walks of life – oppose political violence. Together, we need to push back against those who want to silence our voices, who try to deny us our rights, and who aim to bully their way into political influence through intimidation and violence.

Get the Guide

National Coalition For Dialogue & Deliberation

Bringing people together across divides to tackle today’s toughest challenges

Recommended by: Bob B. – “(NCDD), a nonprofit membership organization that maintains a database of collaborative organizations around the world.”

What We’re All About

The National Coalition for Dialogue & Deliberation (NCDD) is a network of innovators who bring people together across divides to discuss, decide, and take action together effectively on today’s toughest issues. NCDD serves as a gathering place, a resource center, a news source, and a facilitative leader for this vital community of practice.

Dialogue and deliberation are innovative processes that help people come together across differences to tackle our most challenging problems. In a time when we are increasingly told how divided we are in so many ways in our nation and in our world, teaching, spreading, and supporting the skills of dialogue and deliberation are vital.

The NCDD website is a clearinghouse for literally thousands of resources and best practices, and our highly participatory national and regional conferences have brought together more nearly 3,000 practitioners, community leaders, public administrators, researchers, activists, teachers and students since 2002. We keep in touch monthly with 28,000 people involved in public engagement and conflict resolution work.

Above all, NCDD provides opportunities for members of the broadly-defined dialogue and deliberation (“D&D”) community to share knowledge, inspire one another, build collaborative relationships, and have a greater collective impact.

Below you’ll find our contact info, mission, details about our membership, and more. You can also read the full story of NCDD’s beginnings and learn about the NCDD team. And, of course, if this resonates with you, please consider becoming a member or making a donation to NCDD!

Why did the Coalition form?

NCDD exists to support the growing “dialogue and deliberation community” — a broadly-defined community of practice involving practitioners, scholars, activists, public officials, nonprofit leaders, process geeks, students, and others who engage and mobilize people to come together and strengthen understanding of each other and issues in ways that supports community-building and collaborative problem-solving.NCDD was formed in 2002 in response to a clear need for an infrastructure for learning and collaboration among those who approach D&D from a variety of disciplines, including public policy, social work, communication, education, social justice, social activism, and organizational development. The Coalition was a result of the first National Conference on Dialogue & Deliberation, held near Washington, DC in October 2002.

NCDD is an educational organization and a Community of Practice. Communities of practice are formed by people who engage in a process of collective learning in a shared domain or topic area. In other words, communities of practice are groups of people who share a concern or a passion for something they do and learn how to do it better as they interact regularly.

Our members make up the core of our community of practice. As of January 2021, the Coalition’s membership has grown to include 700 organizations and individuals. Our website visitors, social media group members, conference attendees, and over

28,000 newsletter subscribers are also part of this ever-growing community of practice.

https://www.ncdd.org/

Visit Site

Strategizing For A Living Revolution

by George Lakey

Publisher: History As A Weapon

Recommended by: Bruce R.

This article is a comprehensive strategic framework for nonviolent revolution, combining historical case studies, practical organizing guidance, and theoretical insights about movement building.

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